Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
