Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
