I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
