Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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