Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
