What tipped you off? The sombrero?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We left an ass print on the piano.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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