I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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