She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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