From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
