I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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