Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
