I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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