there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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