Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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