The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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