Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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