Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I won't apologize to a one balled man
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
