My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
