FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
