dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
