Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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