Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
