This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
