meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
