id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
