after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
