just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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