You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
