Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
