I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
