In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
