i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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