Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I touched a dick in church today
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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