He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
