My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize