While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
