wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
