He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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