Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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