Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
