We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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