Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
