your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
