Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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