There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
