i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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