Can Purell be used as lube?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
