1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
