32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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