it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
