Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We got so high we made milksteak
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just gargled with NyQuil
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
