i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
