I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
