Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
