Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
