I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Ketchup is God's man juice
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
A bitchslap is in order.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
