I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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