As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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