The maid of honor just puked.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
