Don't you send me to vm
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
