Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
how drunk are you?
Several
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
