Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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