Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
