I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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