Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
