And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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