omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
