I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
