Who did Billy Mays play for?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
